If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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