too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
