CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
