I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
