My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Randomize
