Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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