I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
