I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
