so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
