I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
