I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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