the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
