ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
