new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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