this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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