A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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