and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
