If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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