I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
