i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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