have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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