My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
