I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
