I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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