Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
