i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
