Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
