How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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