she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
