I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
