His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
