you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
