i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
