My first STD was from a foam party
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
