Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In America we eat man semen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
