drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
