Don't make out with my wife yet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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