I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
