I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
nutella sex= disaster
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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