After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
