i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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