I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
