two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
