You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
