Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
