grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
