You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
