i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my shit smells like andre
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
