so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
