i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
