The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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