i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sext me about skeletons
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
