On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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