I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
