the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
