my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
