You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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