I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
