I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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