Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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